Thursday, 21 January 2016

My mentor thinks he is 'buddy's' with Jesse 'Mcjuggernuggets' Ridgeway.

The funniest thing happened today. My mentor, William Pattison aka Eric Morse, in an attempt to repair relations with the paranormal community after him stirring things up that happened over 2 years ago, makes this post via his Facebook.

'My buddy Jesse Ridgeway, aka McJuggerNuggets, is working on his Aunt Jackie's small house in her yard so he can move in. While he and his friends are working they hears scary sounds....What you think George R Lopez, Mike Boler, and other paranormal investigators? Does Jesse have a spirit problem????'.

He claims he is buddys with Jesse, yet he doesn't even know anything about the video he is referring to. In the video *spoiler* it is revealed that Jesse's aunt has an intercom in the loft of the property, and is pranking Jesse and company.

That's right howlers. William is lying about who his buddies are again. Surely if he was such good friends, he would have watched the whole damn video rather than just comment on the title (which he has obviously done. It is glaringly obvious).

Even funnier, he then posted this - 'My buddy from Germany, Black Friday, got engaged. I want to say congratulations. I wish you both the best...'.

We have had it pointed out to us, and I can confirm that Black Friday is in fact Australian. Mind you, with how easy it is to confuse a German accent with an Australian one, this might come as no surprise to some (i.e other people of low intelligence with a penchant for embellishing their lives with lies).

Remember Howlers, we are here to shine a light on Willy Shitpants' bullshit. It's a 24/7 job, but like washing his underwear, serving him in sandwich shops and deep cleaning the buses he rides on, somebody has to do it.

So anyways, keep America strong, drink your gravy and eat your Subways. Mine's a footlong!

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Another coffe vlog, complete with lies spewing forth like the stench of dead racoon (or is that Obsession for men, one of the top scents?).

William Pattison seems to be back to his strong (sarcasm) self, talking smack about Billy Jack on his new coffee vlog (I won't link you to it, as I have sat through it myself). Seeing this Jabba the Hutt wannabe spew forth his rantings about an author who has sold millions of books. He whines and moans about James Patterson (who I am surprised he doesn't make out he is related to by mispronouncing his last name as 'Patterson instead of Pattison, the same way as he mispronounces 'Morse' as 'Morris').

When William Pattison writes something worth reading, that has some kind of flow, some kind of composition and some kind of story (and he learns how to spell), then maybe he might have a right to complain. But seeing as he calles himself the 'King of Splatterpunk' (he obviously has no idea what splatterpunk even is. I am sure David J Schow (the TRUE King of Splatterpunk) would have something to say about William proclaiming himself as such. Which is why I suggest when ever William is mentioned as the 'King of Splatterpunk', we place the words 'self-proclaimed' before it, just so people know.

Also, he claims that Billy Jack isn't bothering him, and that he doesn't look at the parody page. He goes on to say no one is interested in what is on the parody page. A minute or so later, he says that his friends keep looking at the parody page and telling him to check it out. So which is it William? It has to be one or the other, or are you bullshitting about both?

He goes on to claim Billy Jack is homophobic. I would be happy to see any evidence William has to back up this claim. In reality though, it is nothing more that William throwing back what we have proven against him.

Also, if he isn't bothered about the parody page, why bring it up and spend close to ten minutes talking about it? The best you can come up with is Billy Jack is homophobic? You've had close to three months, and that is the best you can do? Excuse me while I cry with laughter at your pitiful attempt at slapping Billy Jack down. Fuck Billy Jack? If you could, I have no doubt you would. What other chance of getting laid do you have? Women don't go for dead raccoon-smelling cry-baby fifty year olds who live in their sisters basement and cry about twins who go from strength to strength (did you see that they are getting a second season of Hellevator? So much for it being cancelled after a few episodes). It must be hard never being right. But you do have our pity. Of that we are sure.

The thing is William, we don't care who has tried to take you down in the past. You claim you are winning, yet you bemoan the parody page, you have your facebook profile set to private (therefore stopping you from getting any more fans) and constantly have to watch every profile you have.

You also don't have anything like a workphone. You are an independent contractor. Your phone is your own.

The front you are attempting to portray was shattered when you went silent for the last few months of 2015. Saying you are back means nothing. We have already won. You have been shut down, and you know it. On your season premiere of your blogtalk radio show, you got flustered and didn't speak because your phone was being called. You had nothing to say. You say you don't take calls on your show, but do you remember Yo Soy Ramon? We do. You took a call that night didn't you?

So anyways, keep America strong, drink your coffee (sippy sippy *slurp* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh) and eat your Subway's! Mine's a footlong!!

Monday, 11 January 2016

Oh poor Willy....back to bullshitting again. How crime-ridden is San Mateo?

Let's have a moment of sympathy for William Pattison AKA Eric Morse. He posted this not so long ago.

"Fucking Redwood City cops! I was assaulted on my way to Sequoia Station. The guy started screaming at meand started pushing me around. He looked like a meth addict. I grabbed my phone and hit the emergency speed dial. The guy saw me do this and took off on his bike. I've been sitting here waiting for the police for nearly an hour. Unfucking believable".

Allen Albertson's whereabouts at the time of the incident cannot be confirmed. What was confirmed was that Redwood City Police Department have had no reports of an incident of this kind. So it is obviously Willy Shitpants attempting to claw back an ounce of sympathy after being shut down after his lies are exposed.

But for the sake of argument, let's go through some of the things that always seem to happen when William is involved in crime on the lawless streets of San Mateo.

*1. Where are other witnesses? Surely there are other people around. If I saw a man being attacked, I would surely take note.

*2. Why would he wait in the same place he was alledgedly assaulted? Surely his own safety is paramount. The alledged police officer who assaulted him knows where it happened, and might return with others to finish the job (but it never happened).

*3. If he had time to emergency call on his phone, why didn't he capture a video?

*4. How the hell did he have time to press emergency call if he was being pushed?

*5. Why does he constantly make such bullshit up when it is so incredibly simple to fact check if what he is saying is real?

It seems like the streets of San Mateo need a superhero. Perhaps Willy Shitpants is our man. He has the power of stench. That dead racoon smell just doesn't go away. He has the power of internet friends who he considers real friends. He has the power of Subways. The meatball is strong with this one. He also has repressed homosexual tendencies which I am sure is why the cop was pushing and screaming at Willy Shitpants. He probably thought he was getting a sexy strip-tease.

We are still here. If the lies start coming again, we will tell the truth. You can count on us for that.

So remember, keep America strong and eat your Subways! Mine's a footlong!